My Take on "Why Women Still Can't Have it All"

Last Thursday I read the news making article in The Atlantic Magazine: Why Women Still Can't Have It All by Anne-Marie Slaughter.  It got me to thinking over the weekend and I wanted to give my take.  

Several years ago I read the book: Seducing the Boys Club by Nina DiSesa.  Nina DiSesa was the first female Chairman and Chief Creative Officer at McCann Erickson, a world-wide advertising conglomerate.  In her book she talked about how she worked in the "quintessential boys club" of advertising and how she got ahead.  Nina was one of those who really broke the mold for us women.  She did the dirty work.  And now 15 years after Nina's successes and 30+ years after the feminist movement, having it all it should be easy right?  The answer is sadly no.

Shortly after reading Nina's book I was headed up to NYC for work.  I figured what the heck...I'm going to email her and maybe she'll meet with me.  Nina emailed me back while she was on a plane to Switzerland and said she could host me for coffee in her office.  I was floored.  I had all these questions for her and was yearning for advice in how I could get to the top.

I came away from that coffee with an epiphany.  Nina's point was really clear---in this day and time, we are doing this to ourselves.  As women we are our own worst enemy.  Women in the workplace should be bringing each other up---not down.  How many of you have you ever worked for a women and said you'll never do it again?  I once had a much older female boss.  She would send me emails at 5am, expecting responses immediately.  She didn't like my ideas just because they were mine.  I tried so many "managing-up" tactics.  I sent weekly reports, I tried to be helpful, I tried to "kill her with kindness", I tried to be a good worker bee, etc.  Problem was that it didn't matter and back then I couldn't understand why.  She resented me in ways I didn't know possible.  She hated the fact that I was young, had fresh ideas, and had a different way of thinking than she did.  It had taken her 35+ years to get to where she was and here I was on par with her at only 27.  She didn't think I had earned my street cred and was damn well going to put me in my place.  In looking back with all that I know now, in some ways I can't blame her because that's what she was taught.  She clawed her way up there and felt I should have to do the same.  In her mind there were no passes. 

Nina made it clear that women in senior positions should be setting the precedent in the support of their female subordinates.  Women should NOT be so judgmental of each other, which we so often are. If a woman needs to work from home or has to leave early because their child is sick or has a baseball game---LET THEM.  If you have an ambitious young woman working for you, see that as an asset to you and mentor her.  She went on to say that if we don't start supporting each other, then we will lose even more of the few and far between female superstars left in working America.  As women we will find a way to get the work done. We are just inherent like that.

In the Atlantic Article Why Women Still Can't Have It All, Anne-Marie Slaughter talks about how her feminist beliefs started shifting.  When she initially took that prestigious White House job, she said she thought was going to be this Big Time Charlie State Department Woman for as long as the President was in office.  But after two years she left because she needed to shift her focus to her family.

I don't think you can blame our current problem on feminism.  So many women think that feminism means we need to keep up with our male counterparts in every aspect.  If they are pulling an 80 hour work week---than we should too.  If they are missing their little girl's ballet recital for something work related---than we should too.  In my opinion, what feminism tells us is that we don't have to chose between being a career woman or a good mom.  It's also not telling you to not focus on your family.  Last and most importantly it's not telling you that you can't and shouldn't compromise.  But again, I think it all comes down to us.  Women need to be the ones leading the way and we aren't---plain and simple.  We don't need a female President or a 50% female Congress to change that way of thinking.  What we need is for women to pull each other up and support each other.

With all that being said, I do have some pretty fantastic professional female role models in my life.  I'll leave that for another post.