Monday, July 30, 2012

What NOT to say to a pregnant woman


Well, here I am folks.  23 weeks…17 to go!  Since it's now clear that I'm pregnant and haven't just gained a few stones, I've gotten a whole new battery of experiences.  I had Sunday brunch yesterday with a few friends and one of our conversations was about how people love to give advice to pregnant woman.  It's like the apocalypse is coming when one sees a pregnant woman in the grocery buying brie and a bottle of white wine...throw in a pound of deli turkey and all hell breaks loose.  So in case you had any questions on the subject or just want a little enjoyment, I've compiled a list of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman.  



1.) "Get as much sleep as you can" So, you are basically telling me I'll never sleep again.  Oh and FYI pregnant sleeping really isn't as easy as it looks.  I now have to get up every three hours to pee, I can't sleep at all laying on my stomach anymore, and I have to reposition the body pillow every time I move. 

2.) "How is your husband is doing with all of this?" Say what?  She’s the one carrying the load.  Believe me, dude is fine.  Plus-plus for him---he's now got a full-time DD.  

3.) “When are you due?” Why shouldn't you ask this?  Because I'm saving you from the possibility of feeling like a total a-hole.  I had this happen to a friend of mine once...she had had the baby 3 weeks earlier.  

4.) "Well listen to what happened to me when I gave birth..." Unless she asks, don't speak a word of your story.  I was recently in the nail salon and this woman decided to tell me her horrific birthing story where she lost all of her blood and was then brought back from the dead.  She then promptly promised that it would never happen to me.  I almost died myself upon hearing this.  

5.) “Your boobs are gigantic!” I'm willing to bet a million bucks she's well aware. 

6.) Please don’t stare at a pregnant woman’s belly.  I mean, have you never seen a pregnant woman?  She really will notice your eyes zeroing in on her ginormous stomach.

7.) “Didn’t this go by fast?!?!?" Um, maybe for you. 

8.) "You look so small"...Even though you think you’re complimenting her, don’t tell a pregnant woman this. She’ll think that you’re saying that something is wrong.  Try saying, "You look great!"or "Aren't you just all belly."

9.) "Wow, you sure are eating for two!" In code you just told her she's eating enough to feed Zambia and that in fact she's a fat cow.  

10.) "Enjoy it while you can."  You mean once baby comes, I'll never enjoy anything?  C'mon people.  




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